Even though we’ve been sleeping in the same bed together for months now, this has a different feel to it. I no longer feel the need to wake him up once I’m awake, I’m actually letting him sleep in right next to me as I write this. I’ve never really let him stay asleep after I’ve woken up except one time at my moms apartment, but that was just so I could make him breakfast. Things feel a lot more… Real? I think that’s the word, perminate fits also, well kinda.
There’s nothing really different about our relationship. Maybe a little more comfortable with our living situation, that’s really about it. Which I think it’s funny how I gotten more comfortable so fast, especially since we’re living with his mom. His mom makes me really nervous; I think it’s because I want her to like me so badly, which is normal, since I plan on marrying her son. I actually went out into the kitchen last night by myself and made myself dinner and a snack once we got home from work and getting money for rent, phone bill, and to pay a friend. I also even got water by myself for when I woke up in the morning, since once I fall asleep my mouth usually opens and is super dry when I wake up in the morning.
Our bedroom is looking pretty good so far, we still have to move a lot of things around and get rid of more stuff. I kept way more than I needed to, so I have to go through my stuff again and get rid of even more. Today I’ll be going through my things while J is claning out the shed and moving things into it, that’s if it ever stops raining. He also needs to clean the bathtub and some of the bathroom, I always refuse to bathe or shower here because it looks nasty. I’m not really looking forward to sharing a small bathroom with two men (his brother also lives here, his room is next to ours). His mom has her own bathroom attatched to her room, though I’m not sure if she’ll be using that one or our when her mother comes back to America to live here also, since she’ll be staying in J’s moms room and J’s mom said she’ll be staying in the livign room until her mom finds a place.
I’m a lot happier now that we’re living together, and feel a lot more safe about the relationship. Things feel more real and perminate, like now there’s no going back, this is forever. I think it’s kind of funny I Feel this way, since it’s not like we got married, we just moved in together in his moms house. I think this is a very good sign though; I’m getting comfortable with his family now, and I’ll always have to see them once in a while once we’re married no matter where we’re living. Plus J has been saying something about getting married during this summer, so maybe we will be getting married soon; unless he’s changed his mind since I lost the baby. Who knows, we’ll find out once I find the time to bring up that conversation.
We’re not living here perminately, just until J pays off his credit card and we save enough to get a mobile home of our own. I also want to be able to buy most, if not all the furnature when we move into our own place. It’ll take awhile since our job doesn’t allow you to be full time until you’ve worked there for like, nine months, but we’ll get there eventually. At least the jobs pay good, we each make a little more than $10 an hour. I think J kinda wants to get another job, he doesn’t really like where we work. I keep telling him to apply to places that pay the same or more but he keeps saying no; something about how working at the same place the same hours is good for us. I guess he’ll just do it once he’s pushed over the edge from some bullshit, it always happens there, no wonder so many people make fun of the place if I’m being honest. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I myself never really had problems with my job all that much. The only problem I really have is that they changed me to night shift, and refuse to change me back to day shift, and they never schedule enough people to close with me. I did look at other places nearby that have a deli, but none of them pay as much, and I refuse to take a paycut, they’ll eventually get their shit together so it wont be that bad.