Since we no longer have to worry about space for the baby we’re moving into J’s mother’s house. She said we can temporarily live there if we pay her rent every month. This is really going to help out, now we no longer have to worry about what we’re going to do once my mom finds a place with her new boyfriend and my sisters. I’m a little nervous though, I’m still not fully comfortable with his family and now I’ll be living with them. Who knows though, maybe that will help me get comfortable with them. 

We’re going to be going to my mom’s apartment on Wednesday to start going through my stuff and packing things I’m going to take with. I’ll also be getting rid of a lot of things, most of it will probably be donated, since I still have all my stuffed animals from my childhood and clothes from middle school. Oh I also have a box full of books along with a bookshelf food of them, don’t know how I’m going to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. I’m not very good with getting rid of things. 

We’ve decided we’re going to leave my bedframe but we’re taking my matress. We’re also leaving my dresser, haven’t decided what we’re gonna do with my plastic bins filled with art supplies and other random stuff. His room is kinda small and he doesn’t want it cluttered. Though his room is just as big as mine is at my mom’s, difference is, he doesn’t share with two other people like I do. So I don’t really know why he’s complaining about all of it. 

Then again, I do have a lot of stuff, I don’t really have a problem with getting rid of things, it’s more of, what about the things I’m not getting rid of? Where does he expect me to keep them? He doesn’t have anything to really keep stuff. All he has is a plastic drawer filled with his clothes and the few books he owns, a TV stand with his TV, his bed, and closet. We still have two days to start even having to start completely worrying about it all. 

I’m very excited, especially since now I can bring my bird with us. I miss my bird SO MUCH everytime I go to his house.  I’m excited to finally be able to be with my bird every day, and I’m sure my bird will be excited about that also. Especially since his neighborhood is a lot safer to be taking the bird outside so he’ll be able to go on more walks! I don’t take my bird on many walks right now because there’s a bunch of kids in my neighborhood and they try to pull on his feathers and take him from me. Though I’m slightly nervous about J’s dog, he’s never been around a pet bird. So I have no idea if he’ll try to hurt it if they accidentally end up in the same room while the bird is out of his cage. 

I’m also going to miss my youngest sister A with all my heart and soul. I love her to death, she’s such a sweetheart and my family doesn’t pay much attention to her. I’ll try to keep up a good relationship with her since my mom decided to stay in Maryland. Maybe I’ll even be able to get A to be able to spend the night once and a while on weekends. Especially since win taking the bird, because honestly, it was her idea to get a bird, I’m just the one who bought it and it attached itself too. Plus my mom refuses to take care of the bird and to pay for the bird. At least mom’s boyfriend promised to get her any pet she wants when they get their own place, so hopefully she won’t be too upset about it. 

I’m very excited to be getting away from my sister D and my mother. My relationship with them is very toxic and I’m ready to get away from that. I’ll obviously still talk to them once in a while, but I won’t be seeing them all the time anymore. I’ll have to find another way to pay my mom for my phone bill until J and I finally get our own plan, though I don’t know when we are doing that. We still haven’t decided if we’ll be keeping my provider or his, so we still have to decide that before even looking at the different kinds there are. I’m kinda happy I’ll no longer have ant reason to talk to D anymore, I can’t really stand her anymore. She’s out of control, and just getting worse as the days go on. I still kinda think that punch in the stomach could’ve had something to do with losing the baby. I could be wrong though, I was only three weeks pregnant when it happened. 



I'm 19, engaged, have aspergers, and I'm​ trying to convince again. I lost my first to a miscarriage. this is my public anonymous diary of my life and journey through a miscarriage and trying to convince.

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