Uodate: second miscarriage

So I was pregnant…. It’s a miscarriage…

Might not be on for a few days, I mean I haven’t been on much recently. J has already told my boss the news, since I’m off until Saturday. Waiting to hear about her response, she was always asking me about the baby and was very excited about it all. 

I’m beyond devistated, like I said I was in the other post where I thought I was never pregnant. I thought if this would happen again I wouldn’t feel as bad, since I’ve been through it before, but it actually hurts more this time. We don’t plan on actually trying for a baby, but we aren’t going to try and prevent it. Whatever happens happens. Hopefully the next time I’m pregnant things go right. 

J and I are going on a date tomorrow to a park nearby. We plan on talking about what we’re going to do and say. We already decided to just tell family I wasn’t pregnant. Don’t really want family feeling bad for me, it’s harder to deal with that then coworkers feeling bad for you. At least then, they aren’t always going to remind us, since we won’t always work with them. Other than that we aren’t so sure, so tomorrow we’re going to talk about it while enjoying the nice weather. 

This really hurts more than anything. When I wanted to kill myself hurt less than this. Why can’t my body work right and do its job? There’s a whole section in my body dedicated to creating life, and it still doesn’t work? I wish that I could just switch my reproductive system so I could successfully have a child…

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Author:

I'm 19, engaged, have aspergers, and I'm​ trying to convince again. I lost my first to a miscarriage. this is my public anonymous diary of my life and journey through a miscarriage and trying to convince.

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