On the 31st we’ll be engaged for an entire year. that’s one year of kissing each other, of having sex together, going on dates together, having fights and making up, taking naps together, playing video games together… One year of sending our lives together. We haven’t been together in person for the entire year, he was gone for about 6 months of it… But our relationship never ended, we went on strong until he came home. We’re supposed to be together, or else we wouldn’t of made it through everything we have already.
There’s been A LOT of ups and downs in our relationship, just like any other relationship. We’ve been in a long distance for 6 months, which also means we were in a military relationship during those 6 months. Those were the hardest 6 months of my life. Especially the first 3 while he was away at boot camp and I could only talk to him through letters… I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my life like I was when he came home for good at the end of November. We also been through some pretty bad arguments, along with some slight emotional abuse towards each other, which we are working very hard on stopping. We also went though one thing no couple should ever have to go through, losing a child, and difficulties getting pregnant. We also went / going through him being depressed.
It’s very hard seeing him depressed, I wish I could make him feel better, but I can’t… It really doesn’t help that I have difficulties with depression also, and I’m going through a good time, I’m happy and want to do things, where he’s at the other side. He sleeps all day, until we have to go to work. or until I get pissy because we’re supposed to be going somewhere but he still hasn’t gotten ready or even gotten out of bed. I’m trying so hard to be patient with him since I know what it’s like, it’s hard though. I’m currently writing this as I wait for him to get up and start getting ready for us to go on our mini golfing date, though I think we’re just going to end up staying home…
He doesn’t even want to have sex really, he doesn’t hold me the way he used to, he doesn’t kiss me like he used to.. It feels like I’m losing him. I feel like I’m doing something wrong that’s causing him to feel this way, that he isn’t attracted to me anymore… I feel like he doesn’t find me sexy, I get really upset when it comes to sex. He just doesn’t seem into it when we do it anymore, and I always start it. It’s really chipping away at my self esteem.
I love him so much, it hurts thinking he isn’t attracted to me, or that he’s hurting himself. I just want to take his pain away, I have no idea what to do though. I know there’s really nothing I can do, like there’s nothing he can do when I’m depressed. It just…. It’s frustrating, it’s infurating, I hate it.